Category Archives: relationships

acceptance, inspirational, relationships

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

December 31, 2021 ravenwolfsong Leave a comment

Our lives are filled with goodbyes, some temporary and many forever. Eventually they will all enter the forever-and-ever category, but that’s a whole other blog. For now, I am going to write about the day to day ones we face with our family and friends.

Yesterday my son Deven and his delightful girlfriend Sophia, who I have become very close with, left for Maine to live in a beautiful cabin on the ocean for four months. It’s gorgeous, wild and free, and one of the most magical places I have ever visited. I am of course very happy for their temporary escape from the travails of life as we know it, and plan on staying with them for a couple of weeks sometime in the future. And just for your information, I have been officially invited as they adore my company, so I am not following them like some clingy mother ….

I have had to say goodbye numerous times to my boys over the last few years, as they left for college, or gone off on their adventures, and no matter how I emotionally prepare, it is always difficult. I fully see the big picture of how wonderful these opportunities are, and how good it is for them to be independent, to grow and be on their own, but that doesn’t take away the grief I feel every time as I watch them drive off into the sunset.

When I was a young girl, my mother took my siblings and I up to the San Francisco area to visit my uncle and his family. For some reason, she needed to leave us there for about a week, I am not sure of the details, but either way I was fine with her decision and happy to have this time with my cousins. At least, I thought so. It was not until later after saying our goodbyes in the driveway, when I saw her back up and head down the street, that I suddenly panicked my mother was leaving and I began running after her, my skinny little legs flying down the sidewalk, waving my arms and yelling for her to stop and take me with her. She had no idea this was happening and continued driving away until she was nothing but a tiny little speck in the distance. I gave up and stood there crying, then reluctantly turned around and walked back to the house. I ended up having a nice time, but will never ever forget the desperation and pain I felt in that moment as she left.

Flash forward to yesterday as I stood in another driveway, hugging my son goodbye, cradling his beloved face in my hands, and kissing his cheek, knowing he was about to drive over 7 hours away, and be gone for a significant amount of time. Quietly acknowledging there was nothing I could do, or even wanted to do for that matter, to hold him back. The same little girl who will always be a part of me, no matter how old I grow, was already preparing for the inevitable moment when my loved ones would get in the car and disappear into the distance. Thankfully I held it together, and did not go running after them, which wouldn’t have been good for anyone, especially me, as the driveway was covered with snow and very slippery.

Nevertheless, grief is grief.

Today I feel much better knowing they have safely arrived, and am already receiving videos and photos of them filling their water bottles at the natural spring, and later of my son sitting by the cozy wood stove.

This morning through the power of technology I was able to hear and view the misty gray ocean whispering over the slippery rocks, and can happily smile seeing that they are surrounded by such beauty.

Over the years, I have unfortunately experienced many other forms of goodbyes. Some with friends who I thought would be forever, some with lovers who I trusted would never leave, and even a few unspoken goodbyes from my close family members, which seems unimaginable even now. All have not been so cut and dried as the bittersweet one of yesterday, but instead drawn out, wrenched apart, ripped away, or faded slowly and painfully, inch by inch until nothing remains. These are the goodbyes that change you in ways that can never fully be healed, and at the very best, patched up with sticky glue, frayed scraps of fabric and bits of knotted string.

Some goodbyes may turn out to be for the best but this can be hard to fathom in the moments of leaving, and even more difficult to unravel later on. Our significant relationships are uniquely bound by shared experiences, time spent together, and mixed gently with the possibilities of future hopes and dreams. These are then tightly woven to create a beautiful tapestry, impossible to tease apart into separate categories of good or bad, right or wrong, happy or sad. It’s only in the finished piece where we can fully see how sacred everything has been in its entirety.

Today is the last day of 2021, and I am sure I speak for many that this year has been filled with an abundance of trials and tribulations, both personal and worldly, along with the beauty and magic that continually runs through it all. I am grateful for so much, too many things to list, but I happily say goodbye to this year and welcome in the new.

For everyone who has experienced the forever-and-ever goodbyes, or the sorrows which are way too deep to mention, please know you are loved and supported by myself, and hopefully others who are more tangible. It is good to seek help if you need more; there are many programs and people in this world who foster a place of generosity of spirit and love. I believe with all my heart in the perseverance and hope of humanity, and perhaps even more importantly, I believe in the divinity that binds us all.

things haven’t changed much….important message in the beginning!

Love is not ended through goodbyes, no matter how it may feel. Love is eternal and everlasting.

Happy Beautiful New Year

In Peace ~ Raven

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dogs, inspirational, love, relationships

Happy Birthday Tiana & My Dog Has Fleas

November 8, 2021 ravenwolfsong 1 Comment

It’s early morning, my dog is snoring, it’s my daughter’s 20th birthday, all my kids are home, we are safe, we are loved, we are blessed with warmth (it’s 26 degrees outside), we have abundant good food, we have each other, we have this beautiful day to celebrate, and my dog has fleas.

I woke up too early today, and before I could retreat back into a peaceful slumber, my mind quickly filled with all of the above facts, along with a myriad of to-do lists, worries, possibilities, expectations, gratitude, and overwhelming emotions. It’s been eons since I wrote out-loud; I write in my head all the time, but I suddenly felt inspired to share, and so here I am.

Once long ago, I was a happily married stay-at-home mom. Every day I felt safe and secure. We were a home-schooling family, which meant for us that we followed our hearts and lived a fulfilling life of adventure, love, and joy. Years later, the reality of our story has turned out to be even more wonderful than I ever imagined.

Somewhere in the middle, my marriage fell apart, and so did any feelings of safety and security. Since then it has been a major struggle to arrive where I am today, but somehow, in part thanks to the generosity of people who love us, and my creative determination to walk my own path, we have thrived.

Through it all, my children have been my source of strength, my focus, and the reason I have been able to move forward. Our relationships with each other have grown beyond family ties and are based on mutual respect, devotion, companionship, and unconditional love. We are each other’s best friends forever.

We took these sweet photos last year on Tiana’s birthday

Now they are grown and each moving in different directions. I find myself at a lost for how my life will unfold. My son Deven reassures me that our lives are expanding rather than contracting, and as they move onward, it can only open us up to new relationships and new adventures. Already it has begun, and I do see the beauty of change, but still my heart quietly mourns for what will no longer be.

Determined to live in the moment, today we are all home, together in our little house by the lake, and I am grateful beyond measure.

Soon a fire will be made, the tea kettle whistling, and the house will be filled with the sounds of my children’s voices and the constant rumbling of the washer and dryer as I work to wash every pillow, blanket, curtain, and piece of clothing that may-or-may-not be hiding any fleas or their future off-spring. After a lovely breakfast, I will break out my new high-powered vacuum cleaner I bought to remove the scourge that has entered my home and clean every inch of our dwelling. I have had dogs ever since I moved here to New England 30 years ago, and we have never had fleas. None of us are happy about this, especially Skadi.

Poor pup doesn’t understand why she no longer has the run of the house

Hopefully I can also find the time to make pumpkin muffins with chocolate chips, take my 3 mile walk, and maybe read a few chapters of my book.

Most importantly, I will remain present, express myself in a loving way, and be grateful for every moment that we can be together. Even if my dog is scratching next to me……

UPDATE: I actually wrote this blog yesterday morning on my daughter’s birthday before everyone got up, but just as I finished, she came into my room crying that she didn’t feel good. We ended up at the emergency hospital for most of the day while they tested her. Thankfully we were able to go home and she is currently on the mend. My poor sweetie, what a way to celebrate her special day. We managed to have a peaceful evening, and the only thing I was able to accomplish on my great to-do list was to take my much-needed walk around the lake. This all goes to show how quickly life can change, and how very precious each and every moment of time is that we share with our loved ones.

In Itchy, but Grateful Peace, Raven

relationships

How Do I Know You

January 15, 2021 ravenwolfsong 2 Comments

Is it possible to truly know a person? Emboldened by previous experience and time spent together, we may assume we have a certain understanding for what makes another tick. To be allowed behind granite walls and into the inner sanctum takes an incredible amount of trust and vulnerability between people.

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com

Many of our interactions are held in controlled circumstances through work and educational environments, community, common interests, and social outlets. Because of this we have each created an outside personality. To genuinely know a person, one must first be able to see behind their carefully orchestrated public persona, and into the eyes of their true self. Until then, everything remains a well constructed story.

It’s fascinating to me as human beings how we can assume someone is irrevocably a certain way based on a combination of only what they want us to see (or inadvertently let slip) and our own projected views of who we have decided they must be.

Sometimes, it’s not until those meaningful moments of beauty, conflict, intimacy or even trauma that a chunk of wall can be removed and a piece of our true unvarnished selves becomes revealed. It’s up to us to then take these shiny morsels of truth, and to add them carefully to the puzzle of knowing that we are continually in the process of building.

I think we want to count on and believe that the people in our lives are unchanging, when in reality, transformation is all there is. Our fundamental truths may define who we are, but even these can shift. Values, morals, personal beliefs, in conjunction with our own extraordinary personalities, are what distinguish us as individuals. And yet, who we are is not written in stone but lightly etched upon the sands of time.

Believing someone to be a specific way doesn’t necessarily mean that they will, now or in the future. Perhaps we won’t ever conform to perceived expectations. So what happens when we stray from our usual path, when we do behave differently. Will we be turned away for being other than imagined. Must we stand within the light of another’s understanding to be everything they dream us to be. Or can we be accepted for all that we are now, and may potentially be in the future?

These are the questions that continually rise up in our relationships, one by one, until they can be acknowledged and decided upon in real time. The answers we come up with inevitably bring us closer together or draw us further apart, in either case providing essential insight and personal growth.

It is a miracle to me how anyone can know another, when nothing and no one remains the same. Yet despite all of this, trusting in our hearts will have to be enough. For you to know me, and for me to know you, is an ongoing endeavor. Only in the end can we see its entirety.

We are chameleons of chance and circumstance, our colors changing with each and every sunset.

It is my belief that to know someone is a gift we continually open. In this understanding, perhaps the question is no longer whether we can honestly know a person, but whether we are willing and able to invest the time and energy it takes to do so.

In Peace, Raven