It’s early morning, my dog is snoring, it’s my daughter’s 20th birthday, all my kids are home, we are safe, we are loved, we are blessed with warmth (it’s 26 degrees outside), we have abundant good food, we have each other, we have this beautiful day to celebrate, and my dog has fleas.
I woke up too early today, and before I could retreat back into a peaceful slumber, my mind quickly filled with all of the above facts, along with a myriad of to-do lists, worries, possibilities, expectations, gratitude, and overwhelming emotions. It’s been eons since I wrote out-loud; I write in my head all the time, but I suddenly felt inspired to share, and so here I am.
Once long ago, I was a happily married stay-at-home mom. Every day I felt safe and secure. We were a home-schooling family, which meant for us that we followed our hearts and lived a fulfilling life of adventure, love, and joy. Years later, the reality of our story has turned out to be even more wonderful than I ever imagined.
Somewhere in the middle, my marriage fell apart, and so did any feelings of safety and security. Since then it has been a major struggle to arrive where I am today, but somehow, in part thanks to the generosity of people who love us, and my creative determination to walk my own path, we have thrived.
Through it all, my children have been my source of strength, my focus, and the reason I have been able to move forward. Our relationships with each other have grown beyond family ties and are based on mutual respect, devotion, companionship, and unconditional love. We are each other’s best friends forever.
Now they are grown and each moving in different directions. I find myself at a lost for how my life will unfold. My son Deven reassures me that our lives are expanding rather than contracting, and as they move onward, it can only open us up to new relationships and new adventures. Already it has begun, and I do see the beauty of change, but still my heart quietly mourns for what will no longer be.
Determined to live in the moment, today we are all home, together in our little house by the lake, and I am grateful beyond measure.
Soon a fire will be made, the tea kettle whistling, and the house will be filled with the sounds of my children’s voices and the constant rumbling of the washer and dryer as I work to wash every pillow, blanket, curtain, and piece of clothing that may-or-may-not be hiding any fleas or their future off-spring. After a lovely breakfast, I will break out my new high-powered vacuum cleaner I bought to remove the scourge that has entered my home and clean every inch of our dwelling. I have had dogs ever since I moved here to New England 30 years ago, and we have never had fleas. None of us are happy about this, especially Skadi.
Hopefully I can also find the time to make pumpkin muffins with chocolate chips, take my 3 mile walk, and maybe read a few chapters of my book.
Most importantly, I will remain present, express myself in a loving way, and be grateful for every moment that we can be together. Even if my dog is scratching next to me……
UPDATE: I actually wrote this blog yesterday morning on my daughter’s birthday before everyone got up, but just as I finished, she came into my room crying that she didn’t feel good. We ended up at the emergency hospital for most of the day while they tested her. Thankfully we were able to go home and she is currently on the mend. My poor sweetie, what a way to celebrate her special day. We managed to have a peaceful evening, and the only thing I was able to accomplish on my great to-do list was to take my much-needed walk around the lake. This all goes to show how quickly life can change, and how very precious each and every moment of time is that we share with our loved ones.
In Itchy, but Grateful Peace, Raven